So on this journey of becoming a CPDT, I am taking on more responsibility and new and exciting (sometimes scary) tasks. I've gone on many private lessons with Misti and Carrie, helped teach shelter volunteers how to train dogs and recently started being the lead trainer in a puppy class! I though I was on a pretty good roll..HA, enter this cute little elderly lady and her cute little shih-tzu!
I was charged with the task of crate training her dog because she was moving and he barked too much and was having housebreaking issues. Seemed pretty straight forward. I picked up this little boy Ringo and all his belongings to come stay at my house as a board and train client. He was to be with me for 5 days and then we'd assess the situation and see if more time was needed. So because this dog was not completely housebroken, I kept him attached to me by leash anytime he was out of the crate, basically treating him like a puppy. Pretty quickly I noticed his urination just did not seem right, so a sample was brought into the vet and sure enough he had an infection as well as crystals! Once we got him on meds and better food he started perking up and was given more freedom in the house. As far as the crate training, it was a horrible disaster! Turns out he has terrible separation or confinement or isolation anxiety, pick one, either way what it meant was that anytime he was crated he would be traumatized; barking and shaking and drooling, scratching at the door and whining/crying. The first night he did this for 2 straight hours! Then he must have slept from exhaustion only to wake up a couple hours later and start all over again! It was nearly that bad every night after that. Even when I crated him and he could see me he'd go into a panic. It was torture on us both and all the while I knew this was something that could be worked on in a slow and lengthy process, which required time we didn't have as he was moving in only a few weeks! Also to contend with was the near impossibility for his mom to comply with a complicated set of instructions.
So began the first crisis of new trainer conscience. I questioned my abilities, my knowledge and even after much sleep deprivation wondered if my "guru" was setting me up, testing me somehow (she was not by the way!) Finally, I think we all took a deep breath and took a step back (at least us trainers did) and assessed the situation with clearer eyes and saw the reality of the situation. We got to the heart of what REALLY needed work on, the barking and housebreaking, and set up a plan for that! Ringo was much improved with his housebreaking now that the medical stuff had been taken care of (on a side note, he never once had an accident in my house) and as for the barking, I videoed him left alone in my house when I left. He slept nearly the whole time and only barked when he heard the garage door open, a sign to me that his barking was due to hearing voices in the hall outside his door. We recommended she turn the TV on for him when she left and that he get really special bones to chew on only when she left the apartment. I wrote down simple, very specific instructions for her on his feeding and pottying schedule and then handed him back to her with all my fingers and toes crossed! That was a week ago and so far he's had no potty accidents and there has been no reports of barking. She was so happy to have her companion back and he was just as happy to be home.
It's been a good lesson for me to listen to my gut and see the reality of the situation and try to work within the confines of that as a trainer. Trainers are faced with those confines all the time, from the family with 6 kids that are constantly running around with food the dog wants or the couple that works insane hours and have a reactive dog. Being a trainer means helping people teach their dogs how to be good family members, being a good trainer means helping the owners be good pet parents, a great trainer is resourceful enough to do both and make everyone happy! That is my goal.
Welcome to my journey! This blog is about my adventures in dog training, pet therapy work, rescue work and life with my menagerie of animals. Enjoy!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
New Foster Dog
Summer has arrived early, well, not really, our new Foster dogs' name is Summer! She is about 16months old and has already weaned at least one litter of pups that we know of. They too were in the rescue program. She came to me as a temporary foster, she already had a pending adoption and one more in the wings. Unfortunately both fell through within days of each other. So we figured we'd be in it for the long run, which was fine with me as she is soooo easy and really could use some stability and time to get healthy. She is on the extremely thin side at 67 lbs and her coat was a mess! Mats everywhere, dry and brittle and dirty.
My first observation of her was she's no typical house pet that got lost or dumped. She was most likely an outside dog or a farm dog that got lost or dumped. She seemed very restless in the house for the first day or two and would sleep contentedly outside all day long if I let her, which frankly I pretty much did as it was beautiful weather and it made her more at ease. She had beautiful body language with Beanie and play was instantaneous and perfectly appropriate (minus the occasional mounting from Beanie who couldn't resist her flirtatious postures!)
I finally gave her a bath tuesday night and you would have thought I insulted every member of her family the way she reacted. It was as if she'd never been washed her whole life, and likely she hadn't! She was patient and tolerated it; the dryer was another matter altogether. She literally tried climbing onto the counter to get away from it! This morning she must have decided she was clean long enough and promptly rolled in the dewey grass then laid in the dirt ditch she has excavated for herself under the kids swingset!
I got good news today though, she now has a third adoption on her and will in all likelihood be moving on next wednesday. I am hoping I can put some good weight on her by then. She's eating 3 meals a day of the same food Beanie eats so she's definitely getting good nutrition.
It's weird, one of my friends mentioned that she sounded like a keeper, and honestly she is really easy, sweet, calm and gets along so well with everyone; she should be a keeper. But I don't want her. She's pretty and I love on her and I'll be sad to see her go but I guess I just haven't found that spark with another dog yet. And you know what, I'm not sure I will. Beanie may be it for me, I may not have room in my heart for 2 dogs. Who knows, in my life I have learned to never say never and that when something is right you just know it! That's how I married my husband and it's worked for me so far! =)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Who is the trainer here??
It occurred to me the other night that I am in the throws of a superstitious behavior brought on by a very huge reinforcer! Let me explain, my kitten Sherman has had a pretty rough start to his life; he was found all alone as a stray at only 5 weeks old. He was bottle fed at his foster home and within 2 weeks adopted by us (just by chance). He came down with a nasty upper respiratory virus and was so tiny and skinny! Thankfully (and after many vet visits) he healed and started to grow and thrive. Then we discovered he was a bilateral cryptorchid; that was fun (not to mention EXPENSIVE). In the mean time he was battling some diarrhea issues. We thought it was from being on and off so many antibiotics within such a short time frame. We cut back on his wet food, switched it to Science Diet ID, and started adding a probiotic to his wet food daily. Then it happened...he pooped on the tile by the garage door, easy to clean you say? Not so much; it was in the corner, so naturally it was in all the crevices of the baseboards (stop reading now if your stomach turns easily!). I chalked it up to the anesthesia since he had just had his neuter surgery the day before. But then it happened again down in the basement on the carpet this time and then again in the same general area and the last time was actually in my shower! So he got on meds, I cleaned up the spots with an OCD fervor, placed a feline pheromone diffuser downstairs and started following him around the house! I quickly discovered he had potty signals just like a puppy! He would sniff around, usually in the general vicinity of the previous accidents, even crying at the doors of my closed shower! I would scoop him up and bring him to the litter boxes and he would use them perfectly! I started to realize he needed to go potty almost directly after eating his morning wet food, so after he finished I would coax him downstairs with me and he would accompany me while I scooped the boxes and then he'd use them! For the first day or two I scooped the boxes 4 times a day! Now a side note; I am notoriously a horrible cat box scooper! I forget for days on end, just ask my old timers! I was lucky enough to never have an issue and got off scot free being so lazy! But here I was being a diligent, almost obsessed, scooper. BUT (and here is where the superstitious behavior comes in) he hasn't had one accident since I've started doing this! Could it be the medication? Possibly, although he does still have the diarrhea. Could it be the diffuser? Certainly, but it could also be my twice daily box scooping! And because there is that possibility I am not going to tempt fate (or my kittens intestinal tract) by stopping! I have been trained into a superstitious behavior because the most reinforcing thing for me is to not have cat poop on my carpet!
Man I have smart pets (and I must say I am pretty highly trainable)!
Man I have smart pets (and I must say I am pretty highly trainable)!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Some musing after our PT visit...
Last week we had a fantastic visit at Jordan Creek. The people were lively and so happy to see Beanie and he was so obliging to everyone. As we walked around and saw some of the really sick bed-ridden patients and I watched Beanie really sniffing at them, it hit me; some dogs can be trained to detect diseases by smell...what must Beanie be smelling? I can't even to begin to imagine the olfactory overload he must be experiencing in a place like that. All at once it made me appreciate what he does, and what all therapy dogs do, even that much more. I know how distracted and repulsed I can be by smells that it is nearly impossible to concentrate or function in the vicinity of whatever the smell is, but the fact that he can stay composed and offer himself for their enjoyment is really an amazing feat. I don't think most of us give dogs, even if they aren't therapy dogs, enough credit.
My favorite saying as of late is "it is a testament to dogs that people aren't bitten more often". It is amazing how poorly we conduct ourselves with them and still they have the utmost patience and tolerance when dealing with us. Sometimes I wonder who really is the smarter species!
I also think we underestimate dogs on a very regular basis, I know I often do that with Beanie. I hesitate to teach him something new b/c I don't think he can do it or I think it will be too hard to teach him to do it and 99% of the time he shocks me and reminds me that he is quite extraordinary and I should never limit him, or anyone for that matter, in my mind about what they can or can't do!
I love it when Beanie teaches me new things, I guess you can teach an old girl new tricks!
My favorite saying as of late is "it is a testament to dogs that people aren't bitten more often". It is amazing how poorly we conduct ourselves with them and still they have the utmost patience and tolerance when dealing with us. Sometimes I wonder who really is the smarter species!
I also think we underestimate dogs on a very regular basis, I know I often do that with Beanie. I hesitate to teach him something new b/c I don't think he can do it or I think it will be too hard to teach him to do it and 99% of the time he shocks me and reminds me that he is quite extraordinary and I should never limit him, or anyone for that matter, in my mind about what they can or can't do!
I love it when Beanie teaches me new things, I guess you can teach an old girl new tricks!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...
So the weather has suddenly turned gorgeous and spring like and since I am on a roll this week exercising I thought what better way to get my exercise in than to take Beanie for a good walk and throw in some outside training as well. Mud be damned! I dropped the girls off at school and parked in the parking lot and started our journey from there.
Today's adventure was an exercise in being prepared and being present. With my handy dandy Go-Go Gadget Dog Training Jacket (my name for it) by Let's Go Design, there was no way I would not be prepared. That thing holds it all, treats, clicker, long line, phone, poop bags, keys, whistle and even kleenex! Now because it was so warm I zipped off the sleeves and made it a vest! I LOVE that thing! Any way I digress, the point was I was well prepared. Being present is a much harder feat to succeed at. Daydreaming is second nature to me and spacing out is a close second! But today I was in training mode, I was ON! It's a good thing too, because I was paying such close attention, I was able to see that our path on the sidewalk was going to cross something that I was sure would interest Beanie and from the looks of it from a distance it looked like a dead animal. He hadn't seen it yet so I took my chance to get prepared. I got out the yummy salmon treats he loves and showed them to him as we walked. As we got closer I saw that it was indeed a dead animal but not only was it dead it was mutilated (gross I know, but an important fact to note). We walked right by that thing with his eyes on me the whole time and the salmon treats in front of his nose! I couldn't believe it! I know salmon has a strong odor, but stronger than a split open rabbit carcass literally at his feet? I was pumped, and Beanie got a jackpot even though he had no clue what just happened! On we went!
We got to Chesterfield park where I was planning on doing some rally work with him, a lofty goal but I was prepared and present!! I saw that there were people walking the trail and a fantastic distraction; a small flock of geese! EXCELLENT, I was prepared! He saw the geese, he got very still, his ears went up...I stuck a salmon treat in front of his nose and asked for a sit! BAM (well not really that fast, Beanie doesn't do anything fast) he sat! He did a sit stay staring at those geese for a full 45 seconds, and the geese were walking around too! On we went! I put his leash around my waist with the handy dandy carabiners attached to my jacket and we worked on left and right turns and loose leash walking! I got a few sloppy fronts out of him (I lowered my expectations a little in the highly distractable environment) and some equally sloppy left hand finishes and we worked on speed changes in walking. He did one perfect right hand finish, got jackpotted and then we just finished the circle in a nice, non training walk!
I got out his long line and went to the driest grass area I could find and we played chase and bump and then settle and work. He really works hard and fast (for him)when the reward is getting to chase and jump on mommy! Eventually he stopped chasing me and I knew he was tired so we went back. I purposefully walked on the same sidewalk again to pass that bunny. He saw it this time and I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me. I shoved those salmon treats in his nose picked up the pace and cheered him on the whole way past the bunny, he looked at it as we passed it but he never once broke stride with me! What an awesome day! And the best part? I have a very tired, sleeping dog at my feet right now!
So the moral of the story is be prepared and present when you are with your dog, life is full of teaching and learning moments and you never know, someday it could save your dogs life!
Today's adventure was an exercise in being prepared and being present. With my handy dandy Go-Go Gadget Dog Training Jacket (my name for it) by Let's Go Design, there was no way I would not be prepared. That thing holds it all, treats, clicker, long line, phone, poop bags, keys, whistle and even kleenex! Now because it was so warm I zipped off the sleeves and made it a vest! I LOVE that thing! Any way I digress, the point was I was well prepared. Being present is a much harder feat to succeed at. Daydreaming is second nature to me and spacing out is a close second! But today I was in training mode, I was ON! It's a good thing too, because I was paying such close attention, I was able to see that our path on the sidewalk was going to cross something that I was sure would interest Beanie and from the looks of it from a distance it looked like a dead animal. He hadn't seen it yet so I took my chance to get prepared. I got out the yummy salmon treats he loves and showed them to him as we walked. As we got closer I saw that it was indeed a dead animal but not only was it dead it was mutilated (gross I know, but an important fact to note). We walked right by that thing with his eyes on me the whole time and the salmon treats in front of his nose! I couldn't believe it! I know salmon has a strong odor, but stronger than a split open rabbit carcass literally at his feet? I was pumped, and Beanie got a jackpot even though he had no clue what just happened! On we went!
We got to Chesterfield park where I was planning on doing some rally work with him, a lofty goal but I was prepared and present!! I saw that there were people walking the trail and a fantastic distraction; a small flock of geese! EXCELLENT, I was prepared! He saw the geese, he got very still, his ears went up...I stuck a salmon treat in front of his nose and asked for a sit! BAM (well not really that fast, Beanie doesn't do anything fast) he sat! He did a sit stay staring at those geese for a full 45 seconds, and the geese were walking around too! On we went! I put his leash around my waist with the handy dandy carabiners attached to my jacket and we worked on left and right turns and loose leash walking! I got a few sloppy fronts out of him (I lowered my expectations a little in the highly distractable environment) and some equally sloppy left hand finishes and we worked on speed changes in walking. He did one perfect right hand finish, got jackpotted and then we just finished the circle in a nice, non training walk!
I got out his long line and went to the driest grass area I could find and we played chase and bump and then settle and work. He really works hard and fast (for him)when the reward is getting to chase and jump on mommy! Eventually he stopped chasing me and I knew he was tired so we went back. I purposefully walked on the same sidewalk again to pass that bunny. He saw it this time and I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me. I shoved those salmon treats in his nose picked up the pace and cheered him on the whole way past the bunny, he looked at it as we passed it but he never once broke stride with me! What an awesome day! And the best part? I have a very tired, sleeping dog at my feet right now!
So the moral of the story is be prepared and present when you are with your dog, life is full of teaching and learning moments and you never know, someday it could save your dogs life!
Friday, January 28, 2011
The circle of life...
We have mice. Very persistent and sneaky mice; they resist the traps and tease us by eating the food we place on said traps without even tripping the dang things! They have been making my cats crazy. My last remaining old timers have been the mousers in the family for years, often working in concert to flush and grab the mouse. They have gotten a bit slow in their old age. They still know when one is about and will wait with unending patience for it to come out and offer itself like a sacrifice (which mice sometimes do!). However these mice have great hiding places in the kitchen; under the stove, behind the fridge and even in the pantry since the cats have not figured out how to open the door yet!
Well, today the mouse was outnumbered. There is a new cat in town and his name is Sherman! He's 4 months old and already a great mouser. He's still a bit green but he's catching on quick and absolutely loves the game! Today Boris alerted me to the presence of a mouse, now let it be noted that mice in my house freak me out completely, I opened the pantry door as Boris indicated and I saw it; a tiny, really cute little brown mouse. I opened the door and ran to get up on top of the couch (I know crazy wimp). There was a big commotion which resulted in the mouse getting under the fridge. Boris and Wilmah (the old timers) took up residency in front of the refrigerator daring it to peek its' head out. Some time passed in which I came off the back of the couch and went about my business. Caitie then came up to tell me that the mouse was under the paper shredder. The paper shredder is in the living room under our computer desk which at that moment was occupied by my husband, he had no clue that Boris, and now Sherman, had chased the mouse underneath it! However he was working so I had to move the shredder, dreading the inevitable scurrying mouse. But it was no longer there. It must have gone downstairs I said and again went back to my business. Then Caitie came running up to tell me Sherman was chasing the mouse downstairs; she ran back down and almost immediately came back up to tell me he had caught it! So I went down and sure enough my sweet, little kitten had a mouse firmly in his grip. I wasn't sure if it was dead or not so I didn't really want him to drop it but he did and thankfully the mouse did not move...at first. Sherman was batting at it and I could tell the mouse was coming around and may try to escape any moment. I made Caitie run and get me some paper towels (Steve was still on a conference call for work so no help there). I managed to cover the mouse with the towels which sent Sherman into a tizzy. But I was too freaked out to actually pick it up! So I let Sherman get it again and this time picked Sherman up and made him drop it into the towel so I could just wrap it up. I brought it outside and placed it on the grass and saw it was breathing and it moved a little, well I didn't want it to try to get back into the house so I picked it up and as luck would have it I saw the semi feral stray we feed sitting across the street, so I brought him an offering! He didn't want it though so I just left the half dead mouse on the cement and went back in. When I checked on it a little bit later I saw that it had moved and was on it's way across the street back towards our house. At that very moment a bird swooped down and picked it up and took it to the top of the lamppost. I laughed, hard. That mouse won't be back again...now if we could just get rid of the others, although I'd prefer it to be a bit easier next time!
Well, today the mouse was outnumbered. There is a new cat in town and his name is Sherman! He's 4 months old and already a great mouser. He's still a bit green but he's catching on quick and absolutely loves the game! Today Boris alerted me to the presence of a mouse, now let it be noted that mice in my house freak me out completely, I opened the pantry door as Boris indicated and I saw it; a tiny, really cute little brown mouse. I opened the door and ran to get up on top of the couch (I know crazy wimp). There was a big commotion which resulted in the mouse getting under the fridge. Boris and Wilmah (the old timers) took up residency in front of the refrigerator daring it to peek its' head out. Some time passed in which I came off the back of the couch and went about my business. Caitie then came up to tell me that the mouse was under the paper shredder. The paper shredder is in the living room under our computer desk which at that moment was occupied by my husband, he had no clue that Boris, and now Sherman, had chased the mouse underneath it! However he was working so I had to move the shredder, dreading the inevitable scurrying mouse. But it was no longer there. It must have gone downstairs I said and again went back to my business. Then Caitie came running up to tell me Sherman was chasing the mouse downstairs; she ran back down and almost immediately came back up to tell me he had caught it! So I went down and sure enough my sweet, little kitten had a mouse firmly in his grip. I wasn't sure if it was dead or not so I didn't really want him to drop it but he did and thankfully the mouse did not move...at first. Sherman was batting at it and I could tell the mouse was coming around and may try to escape any moment. I made Caitie run and get me some paper towels (Steve was still on a conference call for work so no help there). I managed to cover the mouse with the towels which sent Sherman into a tizzy. But I was too freaked out to actually pick it up! So I let Sherman get it again and this time picked Sherman up and made him drop it into the towel so I could just wrap it up. I brought it outside and placed it on the grass and saw it was breathing and it moved a little, well I didn't want it to try to get back into the house so I picked it up and as luck would have it I saw the semi feral stray we feed sitting across the street, so I brought him an offering! He didn't want it though so I just left the half dead mouse on the cement and went back in. When I checked on it a little bit later I saw that it had moved and was on it's way across the street back towards our house. At that very moment a bird swooped down and picked it up and took it to the top of the lamppost. I laughed, hard. That mouse won't be back again...now if we could just get rid of the others, although I'd prefer it to be a bit easier next time!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Both ends of the spectrum kind of day...
This is not exactly how I envisioned my first post on this blog to go. I imagined it would be a nice, heartwarming story about my first Pet Therapy visit with Beanie, and indeed it is that too, but there are other things, heavier things, that happened today too that need to be written. First I'll start with heartwarming.
Beanie and I had our first visit today at a nursing and rehab facility. The week had gone by so fast that i didn't really have time to dwell on its' arrival and get nervous until just moments before bringing Beanie into the building. My whispered request to Beanie as we walked in? "Please don't pee on anything!" That was my worst fear (still is honestly!). It was hard maneuvering a big dog like Beanie around in those small bedrooms and they seemed to make him a bit more nervous and uncomfortable. But he was good and let everyone pet him that wanted to. He got quite a few excited, happy gasps and many claims of "Oh my goodness that's a big dog!" He seemed to enjoy the area where the residents were seated in a large living area, where he had more room to move and could go from person to person. The last person we saw on our visit was a man in the end of life unit. As we walked in he kept saying, "Oh that's Jake, that's Jake" Then he told us the story of the Pyrenees he owned at one time named Jake, who was actually a girl. Then he said something that made my heart swell, he said, "If there was to be just one dog in the world, a Great Pyrenees should be that dog". It was a very powerful statement to me and I feel its' truth to my core. Our next visit is in a month and I hope he is still there to see Beanie once again.
As uplifting as that part of my day was my heart was just too weighed down with impending sadness for it to truly lift me as it should have. My cat Fred, whom I have had since a kitten, was dying right before my eyes and it was time for me to make some decisions. Fred has had chronic renal failure since he was 5 years old. He survived on medication for a while, switched to Omega oils and then finally switched to regular treatments with fluids. Beginning around Christmas time we noticed his demeanor changing as well as his eating habits and energy level. He was wasting away and often sleeping. Selfishly wished him to hang on until after Christmas as I had just had to put down another beloved cat after Christmas last year and couldn't face having to do it again.
As I looked at him today I could no longer be selfish I knew he was miserable and in pain and couldn't bring myself to let him fade away like that. Yet at the same time I could not bring myself to stress him out by crating him and driving him to the vet in his state. Miraculously my husband found a Vet that did house calls and he came to the house to preform the euthanasia. My girls were here and got to say goodbye and they are off with their father right now bringing his body to our regular vet for cremation. I think they wanted to be part of the entire process. I think it is helping them process the whole ordeal within themselves, or at least that is what I'm telling myself. Decisions to involve children in experiences like this are so scary because you never know until it's too late if it was helpful or harmful. Time will tell I guess.
Then an odd thing happened after the Vet left and we were all alone with his body. I laid him on the floor wrapped in the blanket, wanting to let the other cats and Beanie investigate him if they chose to. His sister I think had already said goodbye before the doctor was ready for him, as she rubbed against him and kissed his ear, something she did not ever do. But as we sat with his body on the floor Cosmo came over to him and actually laid on him so their heads were close and he began grooming Fred. Cosmo has only known Fred for a short time and for most of that time Fred did not feel good, but it seemed to me that Fred made a big impression on Cosmo and he was letting Fred know. Beanie also investigated Fred thoroughly with his nose but was more concerned with my tears and sat in front of me so his nose was level with my eyes and sniffed my face and tears and voluntarily offered me my favorite spot on his head to kiss and hug. He sat there with me for quite sometime until I got up and then he went around and checked on everyone else as well.
My heart is broken and I wish time could stop for my broken heart but it goes on, as does life and while my heart will always miss Fred I am ever so grateful for him and all he brought into my life and really all he brought into the lives of anyone that met him. He was extraordinary and lived his life that way. We should all be more like Fred my cat.
Here is a picture of Beanie after his first Pet Therapy visit and then the last photo taken of Fred this afternoon:
Beanie and I had our first visit today at a nursing and rehab facility. The week had gone by so fast that i didn't really have time to dwell on its' arrival and get nervous until just moments before bringing Beanie into the building. My whispered request to Beanie as we walked in? "Please don't pee on anything!" That was my worst fear (still is honestly!). It was hard maneuvering a big dog like Beanie around in those small bedrooms and they seemed to make him a bit more nervous and uncomfortable. But he was good and let everyone pet him that wanted to. He got quite a few excited, happy gasps and many claims of "Oh my goodness that's a big dog!" He seemed to enjoy the area where the residents were seated in a large living area, where he had more room to move and could go from person to person. The last person we saw on our visit was a man in the end of life unit. As we walked in he kept saying, "Oh that's Jake, that's Jake" Then he told us the story of the Pyrenees he owned at one time named Jake, who was actually a girl. Then he said something that made my heart swell, he said, "If there was to be just one dog in the world, a Great Pyrenees should be that dog". It was a very powerful statement to me and I feel its' truth to my core. Our next visit is in a month and I hope he is still there to see Beanie once again.
As uplifting as that part of my day was my heart was just too weighed down with impending sadness for it to truly lift me as it should have. My cat Fred, whom I have had since a kitten, was dying right before my eyes and it was time for me to make some decisions. Fred has had chronic renal failure since he was 5 years old. He survived on medication for a while, switched to Omega oils and then finally switched to regular treatments with fluids. Beginning around Christmas time we noticed his demeanor changing as well as his eating habits and energy level. He was wasting away and often sleeping. Selfishly wished him to hang on until after Christmas as I had just had to put down another beloved cat after Christmas last year and couldn't face having to do it again.
As I looked at him today I could no longer be selfish I knew he was miserable and in pain and couldn't bring myself to let him fade away like that. Yet at the same time I could not bring myself to stress him out by crating him and driving him to the vet in his state. Miraculously my husband found a Vet that did house calls and he came to the house to preform the euthanasia. My girls were here and got to say goodbye and they are off with their father right now bringing his body to our regular vet for cremation. I think they wanted to be part of the entire process. I think it is helping them process the whole ordeal within themselves, or at least that is what I'm telling myself. Decisions to involve children in experiences like this are so scary because you never know until it's too late if it was helpful or harmful. Time will tell I guess.
Then an odd thing happened after the Vet left and we were all alone with his body. I laid him on the floor wrapped in the blanket, wanting to let the other cats and Beanie investigate him if they chose to. His sister I think had already said goodbye before the doctor was ready for him, as she rubbed against him and kissed his ear, something she did not ever do. But as we sat with his body on the floor Cosmo came over to him and actually laid on him so their heads were close and he began grooming Fred. Cosmo has only known Fred for a short time and for most of that time Fred did not feel good, but it seemed to me that Fred made a big impression on Cosmo and he was letting Fred know. Beanie also investigated Fred thoroughly with his nose but was more concerned with my tears and sat in front of me so his nose was level with my eyes and sniffed my face and tears and voluntarily offered me my favorite spot on his head to kiss and hug. He sat there with me for quite sometime until I got up and then he went around and checked on everyone else as well.
My heart is broken and I wish time could stop for my broken heart but it goes on, as does life and while my heart will always miss Fred I am ever so grateful for him and all he brought into my life and really all he brought into the lives of anyone that met him. He was extraordinary and lived his life that way. We should all be more like Fred my cat.
Here is a picture of Beanie after his first Pet Therapy visit and then the last photo taken of Fred this afternoon:
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